Oh, those brave girls on “The Bachelor.” Selected by savvy TV producers for good looks and bad behavior, they reach for the brass ring, praying it turns into an engagement ring.
But being romantic in front of a network television audience is a thorny matter. No wonder the survival rate of these couples is the same as a bag of Doritos in a room full of pregnant ladies.
To help them choose wisely, we’d like to suggest a triathlon for the romantic finale. The couple spend three hours driving carpool in a Honda Odyssey full of arguing kids, followed by dinner with potential in-laws and a middle school band concert. After that, if they can sip champagne in a hot tub and stay awake long enough for hanky-panky, they get engaged.
Take heart, though — the things women do to make romance bloom keep us happy in love, even if we never get the rose. Here are a few QuirkOut ideas to try out at home.
PASSIONATE PICK-ME-UP
Each morning, Lisa Barr heads out to her office. It’s not the corner office in a tall shiny building; it’s the comfy chair in the corner of her neighborhood Starbucks.
Author of “Fugitive Colors” and creator of GIRLillaWarfare.com, Lisa spends the day curled up with a laptop and endless access to freshly brewed caffeine.
Her office romance percolates, too.
No, not with one of the hunky baristas — with her own husband. He comes to Starbucks every day for a QuirkOut coffee date that gives her a bigger jolt than her morning cappuccino. Away from the kids and the chaos at home, they reconnect.
“It’s the one thing I never cancel for anyone,” Lisa says of their special time together.
But she can’t escape the office gossip. Like when an acquaintance, hot coffee in hand, demanded to know, “Does your husband know that you meet that man every morning?”
JAMMIN’ WITH JAMMIES
Grand gestures reel women in, but it’s the little things that keep romance alive — like sharing your french fries or not clipping your toenails during sex.
And in return, we’ll shave those freaky hairs growing out of your ears — without gagging.
Just ask Monica and Ken about their QuirkOut kindness. When Ken watches wrestling in the den, she hangs out with “The Good Wife” in the living room.
During a commercial, he brings Monica her pajamas and robe so she can get comfy before falling asleep on the couch (and missing the juicy fight scenes between Alicia and Kalinda). When she wakes up at midnight, she’s all ready for bed.
Now if she could just get him to brush and floss her teeth … that would be romantic.
KNOCK, PLEASE
To keep the flames of romance burning, it’s important to stay close. So cuddle on the couch and snuggle in the boudoir, but keep the “Off Limits” sign on the bathroom door.
That’s the QuirkOut advice from Christina, who swears it’s helped her stay happily married for 15 years.
“Women are a mystery that most men never solve,” she says, “and I work hard to maintain the illusion.” Christina’s husband, Michael, doesn’t need to know what goes on behind that closed door. Let him think her hair is naturally streaked by sunlight, not by L’Oreal. And she’s tired of explaining that no, her mouth doesn’t have to be open when she applies mascara, but somehow it helps.
Hey, we use separate men’s and women’s rooms in public, so why should it be different at home?
“After all,” she says, “a magician never reveals her secrets.”
What QuirkOut tricks do you have for keeping romance alive?
