There’s a little Laverne and Shirley in all of us gals. Whether our life is more like “Modern Family” or “Leave it to Beaver,” something we’ve done could easily become a sitcom episode.
A perfect example — when we hide something we purchased. No Winona Ryder sticky finger tactics here. We’re talking about blowing through Nordstrom on a spending spree, then stashing the haul with all the charm and grace of Lucille Ball cramming chocolates in her mouth.
We’ve all been known to sneak the evidence of a shopping trip into the house, for whatever reason. For now, let’s leave it to the CSI: Galleria team to determine the motives.
Just keep this quiet and we’ll share QuirkOut secrets about things women do to hide what they’re buying.
SHADES OF EMBARRASSMENT
Hortence has lots of friends who are talking about “50 Shades of Grey,” but she decided a “good girl” would never have that book on the shelf. Then one day when her flight home was delayed for hours at O’Hare, she suddenly got the urge to see what all the fuss was about.
She certainly couldn’t let the people waiting at the gate (including co-workers and a longtime friend of her mother’s) see her reading this best-seller. So her QuirkOut
mile-long journey took her from terminal 1 to terminal 5, where she bought the book from a handsome clerk who winked when he handed her the package.
Hortence, we don’t know how you read the book incognito on the flight, but we’re sure it involved those fake glasses with the big plastic nose, which you must keep stashed in your carry-on.
When it comes to getting the sequels, however, we’ll leave you with three words of wisdom: Buy a Kindle.
SHHH! IT’S FOR SALE
When Zelda and her best friend, Mary, want to buy something that they know their husbands will object to, they become QuirkOut undercover agents.
First, they put an ad on Craigslist (which the guys never read), and then they scour their homes for blenders, outgrown kids clothes and the Jane Fonda workout videos Zelda got as a gift from her passive-aggressive mother-in-law.
On the day of the sale, like trained soldiers from special operations, they spring into action. Everything gets priced and then displayed with flair on card tables. Sipping Bloody Marys, the gals welcome the shoppers as easily as they welcome a little mad money.
“We’ve turned our earnings into spa days and very expensive designer shoes,” Zelda admits.
Income from the next garage sale is earmarked for the “Girls Weekend in Vegas” fund. Good luck keeping that one from the hubbies, ladies! But our lips are sealed. We know that what happens at the garage sale stays at the garage sale.
DON’T LOOK UNDER THE COUCH
The best part of Francesca’s job at Crate & Barrel — besides being surrounded by beautiful furniture and accessories — is her employee discount. Of course, this means that most of her paycheck shows up in her home décor instead of her bank account.
Hey, we wouldn’t be able to resist, either. But when her husband put his foot down (on a Metropolis carpet) and sat her down (in a Chloe leather chair) to explain that they didn’t need anything else for the house, she came up with a QuirkOut plan.
She began sneaking in purchases and hiding them anywhere he wouldn’t look, like behind the ironing board and under a stack of bed sheets in the linen closet.
Her system was working quite well — slowly mixing in the new items — until last spring when her husband was transferred. When the movers lifted the couch, they exposed a treasure trove of platters, silverware and candles, and Francesca was busted.
Now that’s the episode of “Hoarders” we’d tune in to watch.
What have you ever snuck into your house so your husband wouldn’t see?