But parties tend to bring out the worst kind of goodbye behaviors.
Just ask Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen or Sally Struthers, all of whom could use guidance to figure out the appropriate time to leave a soiree. (Hint: Leave while you’re sober or before someone calls the paparazzi.)
So put on your party dress and enjoy a few QuirkOut appetizers about things women do to make graceful exits.
She hates the long, drawn-out goodbye ritual of chatting with everybody as she leaves a party. We agree, Mindy. The worst moment is getting to the front door, thinking you’re home free, and somebody rushes up with a smartphone and an endless slideshow of their children.
So Mindy created stealth escape routes that would make Jack Bauer proud. Like yelling, “I think I left the lights on in my car!” as she rushes out of the house.
At one party, she used the tried-and-true bathroom diversion to avoid an ex-boyfriend who knew her Houdini routines all too well. While asking loudly, “Where’s the bathroom?”, Mindy threw her coat on the couch, knowing he wouldn’t think she was ditching without the jacket.
But she marched past the bathroom, out the door and into the elevator. Sorry buddy, but Mindy was well-prepared. Sacrificing a $17 coat from Forever 21 is nothing compared with having to stay at a party with your ex – and his hot new girlfriend.
DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU
Sally and her husband enjoy having the neighbors over for dinner because they actually enjoy her pot roast and stories about Mrs. Rottensocks from up the street raking her leaves in a robe. It’s a lot of fun — until the clock strikes midnight and the conversation is flatter than their glasses of Perrier. This couple, they just don’t know when to leave.
Sally tried everything from yawning dramatically to serving after-dinner drinks in her pajamas. But nothing seemed to work.
Then she devised a QuirkOut smoke out. At 11 o’clock, she turns up the thermostat to 100 degrees. The house gets so overheated that even the men think they’re having hot flashes. With sweat pouring down their faces, the neighbors think of two scary words — food poisoning — and Sally hears two beautiful words — “Good night.” And they don’t even wait around for doggy bags.
TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE
Melvin and Roberta have been happily married for years, but it’s hard to understand why. She barely opens her mouth, and he barely keeps it closed. They are the poster children for “opposites attract.”
At home, it works out pretty well, because while Melvin talks nonstop about his day, she watches the “Real Housewives” nonstop.
But at parties, it’s a different story. Roberta’s ready to go long before Melvin has even started working the room. She’s nudging him to leave, but then he bumps into another friend and retells the story of his hole-in-one from five years ago.
After years of waiting at the front door with both of their coats, she finally hit on a QuirkOut exit strategy that made an impact. She told him she was getting the car, and then drove herself home.
Two hours later, when he realized she was gone, he phoned home. “Take a cab,” she said casually, “I’m on a date with Andy Cohen.”